I believe it's never too late or totally unnecessary to recall sins done in the past, and then feel more remorse for it now than before. And one of the most grave I have lived is being an atheist, that is, denying the existence of God despite having intuited Him in the magnificence of Nature, like a blazing cool sunrise amid iridiscent clouds, much much early before I felt Him in a church or worship house.

I have no excuse, when I think of it now, even when the cruelties I have experienced as a child and adolescent made me think that He may not be Living after all, giving in to that seduction that since there is so much evil in the world and in my experience, therefore, that. I felt Him, I adored Him with my first truly conscious morning breath but after the darkness has fell, how weak was I.

It is truly a great Mercy from Him that He has spoken through His Messengers and Beloved on Earth that I came back around and finally humbled myself to acknowledge His Being and finally feel His Infinite Love even through all that suffering. But it is no easy experience or past, or a phase that I have gone through. Looking back, I cringe at the thought of what if, what if I remained stolid and stubborn despite overwhelming evidence, or the cries of my own human heart?

My Dear Beautiful and Loving Lord God, Oh My Almighty God, My Omnipotent Creator, please, I ask forgiveness for this lowly servant, this ignorant fool, that he has the audacity to not see You with the eyes that You have fashioned out of Your Loving Hand. Oh My Dear Lord, I cry out my shame and remorse, and accept my sufferings as atonement for my impurity and unworthiness.

Praise Be Your Eternal Name. Thou art Our Lord God, Forever and EVer!