It’s kinda hard to put up with a person who doesn’t know what he or she is really doing, as if the life in that body, and the perception of life outside, is like a blur one only reacts to animalistically, with no real sentience when it comes to dealing with other people. Such a person usually becomes hurtful to others, for the awareness of abstract values of rightness and wrongness becomes incomprehensible and nonexistent in the exercise of purely animalistic and instinctive living. Another characteristic of such a person is pure egocentricity, and the appearance of servile civility in front of society, hence, on the surface, such a person really acts and thinks decently.

However, when dealing with, for example, relatives, all manner of civility is gone, replaced by the egocentricity I have just described, and with whom I am now dealing with. It has become a habit to abuse verbally the person closest to them. Or worse. Hence, doers of domestic abuse look dignified to the community, as they let out their evilness in private. Or dispense with embarrassment altogether. I greatly suspect, the Enemy is using this susceptible person to get to my goat, so to speak. Is it because I am doing so much good that I am being singled out for this all out attack?

It takes a great amount of strength from me not to send this person to the nearest nursing home I can find, in spite of the great toll it places on me in resisting the evil the mouth spouts every now and then, and not to mention the inconveniences done around the house and to our personal belongings. I still feel gratitude for the past good deeds this person has done but my suffering is already affecting my work performance and my boss is not going to be Santa Claus in my lifetime. If worse comes to worse, I might find myself on the streets again scouting for vacancies.

My wife is pitying me for my situation and has counseled me many times to just do away with looking after the source of my anger, but I am impelled to keep an eye on this person until my obligation is done. It is a difficult time for me now, in this time that I have so many responsibilities to take care of, parenting, career planning and building, taking care of my frail health. I am taking Lookin’s advice and somehow, it’s giving me a come from behind remedy so far.

Wish me luck and I’ll keep ya posted.