Taken from ANGELIC REALMS, posted Dec.22,2006
http://donotbeafraid.blogster.com/lures_online_predator.html#comments
Written by Fighter
Just as the internet culture has opened up great new ways to communicate - it has also provided a whole new way for psychopaths to con and manipulate people. On the blog: Exposing Online Predators and Cyberpaths the hope is to educate more people about what is out there online.
It's not my intent to stop people from online dating and chatting and this site is not about online predators who target children - but those who target other adults. It is a problem that needs to be addressed. Right now, as internet law stands, these victims have little to no recourse because the very nature of the "crime" as well as the place it happened - is so new and uncharted legal terroritory.
Using Robert Greene's book The Art of Seduction I have commented on some of his seductive techniques as they are used by online predators.
Many of these seduction techniques are time-tested and often used in sales & marketing as well as the training of Neuro-Linguistic Programming for salesmen and advertising persons. For anyone who thinks those "seduce women now" sites are a joke. - think again. Some are but many aren't. This is powerful, covert stuff that can penetrate the defenses of even the smartest, savviest people.
By the way, did you know that more intelligent people areeasier to hypnotise? Ask any certified hypnotist and check this fact out!
Comments in italics are mine and not Mr. Greene's
How They Do It
1-They Choose their Victims
Picking up lonely, abused, sick, single or married, disabled, wounded and depressed people online is the cyberpath's stock in trade. [To those finding mates, when you go online, it is better to be served than to serve, and keep an eye out for posers. - PS]
2-They create a False Sense of Security - Approach Indirectly
They try to appear innocent, almost not so interested. They go through a third party, or seem to cultivate a relatively neutral relationship, moving gradually from friend to lover. Beware of an occasional "chance" encounter, being destined to become acquainted-nothing is more seductive than a sense of destiny.
Did he tell you that you & he had SO much in common? Did they get you into chatting about life, politics, your family, philosophy? Did they make themselves a confidant and "confide" in you as well? Did they tell you you were the ONLY one who understood them? Beware.
3-They Send Mixed Signals
A mix of qualities suggests depth, which fascinates even as it confuses, they try to make your curious about them. An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle. They speak of contradictions within themselves.
Did they say things that made you think HUH? Did they make comments and then tell you they didn't want to talk about it any more? Did you feel they were churning inside and you could "help" them? Did they use Confusion Technique talk with you or "word salad"? Stuff that made you think HUH... yet you felt funny about calling them on it? [If he does, just click him off- PS].
4-They Appear to be Objects of Desire - Creating Triangles
Few are drawn to the person whom others avoid or neglect; people gather around those who have already attracted interest. We want what other people want. They create an aura of desirability-of being wanted and courted by many. They manufacture the illusion of popularity by surrounding themselves with members of the opposite sex-friends, former lovers, present suitors.
Did they have the spouse who would kill themselves if they knew the person you are chatting with didn't love them any more? Did they tell you their former fiance or partner was the best sexual partner ever and/or they still talk frequently with them? Did they miss their "past glories" because all they wanted to do was "please" someone and "make them happy?" Did they suggest they might be looking for something a little better.... even a little better than you? Of course they would NEVER come right out and say that! [IF HE SEEMS TO DISCREDIT A FORMER LOVER JUST TO SAY YOU MIGHT BE THE RIGHT ONE, DANGER LURKS, IN HIM I SENSE - PS]
5-They Create a Need: Stir Anxiety and Discontent
A perfectly satisfied person cannot be seduced. They instill tension and disharmony, stir within them feelings of discontent, an unhappiness with their circumstances and with themselves: their life lacks adventure, they have strayed from the ideals of their youth, they have become boring. The feelings of inadequacy that they create will give you will try to make you see that that guy is the answer, to make you see him as the answer to your problems. Pain and anxiety are the proper precursors to pleasure.
Did they help you understand how bad your current relationship is/was? Did they know you as someone so much more than your partner? Did they tell you they liked who you were inside even if you are fat or ill? Did they tell you that you & they could help & support each other emotionally? Did they make you feel more wanted than you have been in years? [Just laugh him off, dear - PS]
6-They Master the Art of Insinuation
They plant ideas in people's minds by dropping elusive hints that take root days later, even appearing to them as their own idea. They make everything suggestive.
Did they try to initiate cybersex and when you said no - apologize profusely? Or tell you of an erotic dream and then say they feel so bad they told you if it offended you? Did they send you erotic cards or pictures and insist your online relationship was NOT about sex but "oh so much more." Did they suggest a hotel room? A clandestine meeting? A weekend away? Just the two of you? To "comfort" each other? Did they tell you they "wished" they could have a "fantasy weekend away" with someone that REALLY cared about them - without saying that person might be YOU? Did you feel almost compelled to throw yourself at them to 'end their pain' and loneliness? [REMEMBER, THOSE SEDUCING WOMEN ONLINE ARE THE MOST OBNOXIOUS LOOKING DUDES IN PERSON, WHY? SIMPLE, THEY BUILD CONFIDENCE ONLINE AND ON THEIR ASSES THAN WHEN IN FRONT OF A WOMAN AND ON THEIR FEET - PS]
7-They Enter Their Spirit
They try to sound like you have so much in common, even they don't care a whit about your actual interests.
Did they seem to be so much like you it was eerie? Did you find them mirroring you? Stealing your words, phrases, thoughts and even parts of your personality? If the relationship is over, did you meet someone else who told you about the predator and what was told them and realize "that was MY story" and they told it as if it was their own! [THEY ARE LIKE CHAMELEONS, CHANGING THEIR COLOR ACCORDING TO YOUR BACKGROUND. THEY EMBARRASS THE CHAMELEON COMMUNITY IN WILDLIFE - PS]
8-They Create Temptation
They always pose as the STUD you've long been hoping for, in and out of bed.
Was your real-life relationship stale? No sex? Never went out anywhere? Never travelled anymore? Broke? Did they offer you "REAL LOVE"? was the word "SOULMATE" used often? Was their sexual innuedos erotic & exciting? Did they offer to take you places? Dinners? Theatre? Trips? Did they offer you gifts? To pay your plane fare? [God will give you the right one, even if at first you didn't like that one. - PS]
9-They Keep Them in Suspense: What Comes Next
People love a mystery, and this is the key to luring them farther into your web. They act as if they are always one step ahead and in control, trying to give the victim a thrill with a sudden change of direction.
Did they suddenly disappear from IM or Chat for days or weeks? No explanation? Did emails go unresponded to? Did they seem to want to talk to you or be with you one minute and to get rid of you the next? Did they leave the computer for a "few minutes" never to return. Did they say they were going to bed and yet their available IM light was still on? Did you get an odd email saying "sorry we keep missing each other" when you were online at the same time as them and they NEVER ever IM'd to say hello or didn't answer if you IM'd them? [WHAT CAN I SAY, I HATE INCONSISTENCY IN PEOPLE, I HOPE YOU DO TOO - PS]
10-They Use the Demonic Power of Words to Sow Confusion
They inflame people's emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them in fantasies, sweet words, and promises. They keep their language vague, letting you read into it what you want. They use writing to stir up fantasies and to create an idealized portrait of themselves.
Were they the best partner but unappreciated? the all-star at work? the better parent? the religious altruist? the truth & justice commando? Did they portray themselves as sweet but misunderstood? As imperfect but trying so hard? Was the sexual or romantic talk absolutely mind-blowing? This is a form of mind control. Did you find it hard to think or function sometimes because of the drug-like nature of this online relationship? [AS THE BEEGEES CROONED, "IT'S ONLY WORDS, AND WORDS IS ALL I HAVE, TO TAKE YOUR HEART AWAY...NOT! - PS]
11-They Pay Attention to Detail
They specify things you find interesting them use them to hook you.
The online predator's verbal slight of hand is overwhelming. Even to a smart & savvy person. If you are in a bad relationship, always ask how you are feeling? Had you been to the doctor? What did your doctor say? Are you upset? Something happen? Death in your family? Did they offer their 'strong arms' and warm cyber-embrace? Do they seem to care about the little things in your life like no one else? What you did today? Where you went? What you bought? All part of the bait!
12-they Poeticize their Presence
They associate themselves with poetic images and objects, making victims begin to see them through an idealized halo. The more they figure in their minds, the more they will envelop the victims in seductive fantasies. They feed these fantasies by subtle inconsistencies and changes in their behavior.
Online psychopaths are masters at this. As pointed out above - did they disappear from the net or from you for days or weeks without a word? You call their cell phone and got voicemail? Are they busy for a while, off to work conference or with family for a while? Can't talk to you because something's come up and they are SO SORRY. Yet when they do "pop" on to say hi they are VERY concerned about YOU and said "HI" because they were 'thinking of you so much' and 'upset that they haven't been there for you.' RIGHT......[WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO DEFEAT BOREDOM WITH FANTASIES WHEN IT'S JUST A PIECE OF EROTIC LITERATURE FOR YOUR PERSONAL CONSUMPTION? REALITY IS MORE FUN. - PS]
13- They Disarm through Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability
They make the other person feel superior and stronger. If they seem to be weak, vulnerable, enthralled by the other person, and unable to control themselves, they make their actions look more natural, less calculated. They show physical weakness-tears, bashfulness, paleness-will help create the effect. To further win trust, exchange honesty for virtue: they establish "sincerity" by confessing some sin on their part-it doesn't have to be real. Sincerity is more important than goodness. They play the victim.
Did you hear phrases like "sometimes when I talk to you I feel I can't control myself"? Or did they tell you that you were "too good" for them? Did they say "if you really knew me, you'd leave me" or "I wish I was as good as you think I am." Were they STRUGGLING with their feelings and fears about you? Getting so close to someone 'scaring' them? Did they do something STUPID and 'confess' to you about it? Did they make it seem like you & they shared confessions & personal stories with only each other? Did that make you feel like you were the only person they could TRUST? [I TRUST TRIPLE H MORE, BUT I DON'T HAVE TO MEET HIM - PS]
14- Confuse Desire and Reality: The Perfect Illusion
They create the illusion that through them they can live out their dreams. They aim at secret wishes that have been thwarted or repressed, stirring up uncontrollable emotions, clouding their powers of reason. The perfect illusion is one that does not depart too much from reality, but has a touch of the unreal to it, like a waking dream.
Any of this sound familiar? "if only things were different" or "if/when we are together" or "you are my soulmate" or "it scares me how I feel about you" or "I know we were together in another life" or "if only I'd met you years ago" or "I can't wait to see you" or "we are going to have such a good time when we get together" or "thank goodness I finally met someone who likes _____ also. This will be a blast!" or "I have to thank God for making someone as perfect for me as you, now I don't feel so alone!" [BETTER BE ON YOUR TOES THAN SAY, "I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER" - PS]
15-They Isolate the Victim
An isolated person is weak.
Online relationships are already like this. Other articles on online relationship confirm the mental states reached when one is online. Trance or dissociative states. Also, being online gives a person bravery they might not have in person.
Did they tell you to PLEASE keep the relationship a secret? Or not to tell or talk to someone you both know or people you both see in chat rooms? Or to not tell other chat friends about your "special" relationship? Do they ask when your spouse or partner is gone or asleep? Do they discourage you when you say you are going out to do XYZ that it might not be 'good' for you? Or that reading certain books or sites might not be the best option? Are they narrowing your field of vision? Do you feel that you & they have something 'sacred' you dare not 'contaminate' by telling others about it? Does that sound NORMAL to you? The minute they tell you not to talk to someone? Make it your business to talk to the FORBIDDEN person - they might know something about your online 'friend' that is crucial or have been played by the predator themselves! [COWARDS! - PS]
16-They try to Prove Themselves
With a little exertion, they try to appear sincere.
When you questioned them about things that seemed off and red flags - did they have explanation? Offer you 'hard proof'? Did they do something to "make up for" their absences or gaffs? Did they do little things to "perk you up"? Like send you an ecard or flowers just to say hi. Did they do things to "make you feel better"? Did they say things like "I will do anything to make you happy?" Offer you private glimpses into their lives to prove they are ok? Send you pictures of themselves with their parents? other friends? kids? And did they ask you to do the same? [TRY TO MAKE YOUR OWN AUTHORITY AND PERSONAL STRENGTH FELT, EVEN IF SHOOS HIM AWAY. - PS]
17-They Effect a Regression
They bring they victims back to that point by placing themselves in the oedipal triangle and positioning the victim as the needy child.
Stand up for you? Tell you the sort of things you wish your mom or dad had told you? Offer you the sort of verbal and emotional support your current partner never does? Or were they someone you knew from high school, college or a past job who just 'happened' to look you up online or just 'stumbled' on your name & email? Places like Classmates.com or all sorts of reunion sites are becoming very popular for the cyberpath to go back and rework past targets. If you were a past target they can also use the "but you KNOW me" talk to regain your confidence while getting ready to use you. [YOU'RE GROWN UP NOW, I ADVISE TO KEEP YOUR REGRESSIONS ONLY TO THE MOMENT WHEN YOU GO UP THE ATTIC AND HOLD IN YOUR HANDS AN OLD RAG DOLL OR A DUSTY FAMILY PORTRAIT. - PS]
18-They Stir up the Transgressive and Taboo
On-line predators are almost always sadists, and they use this wonder of the Internet Age to have access to victims they would not have had they shown who they really are inside.
Did they talk you into cybersex or phone sex? Just this once? Tell you they had "never done this before"? Did they tell you some dark desire and then immediately apologize and swear they won't talk about it again. Did they tell you "I saw a hooker once but if my wife knew she'd leave me" and "I only did it because I am so lonely"? Did they tell you their past relationship was very complicated because of things you would NEVER get involved with and then say it was the past PARTNER who caused the problem? Or that they bought themselves something that if their partner KNEW "they would kill" that person? That they still care for the past partner but that it was "more than they could deal with". Are you SURE it was the past partner and not PROJECTION on their part? Also if other people who know this person, such as chat room friends, tell you to watch out - LISTEN TO THEM!!
Also if they INSIST that you delete all chats? or emails? DON'T!!! Copy them to a disk and keep in a safe place. You may need them later and copies can be massaged to give up ISPs, sources codes and so on. Even if you have to lie - DELETE NOTHING once the online friendship turns to "more." [NOW THIS IS SOUND ADVICE. - PS]
19-They Use Spiritual Lures
Everyone has doubts and insecurities-about their body, their self-worth, their sexuality. They lure them out of their insecurities by making them focus on something sublime and spiritual: a religious experience, a lofty work of art, the occult. They affect an air of discontent with worldly things; speak of the stars, destiny, the hidden threads that unite you and the object of the seduction. Lost in a spiritual mist, the would be victim will feel light and uninhibited. They deepen the effect of their seduction by making its sexual culmination seem like the spiritual union of two souls.
Have you & they spent hours talking about God, philosophy and spirituality? Is this person deeper than you ever imagined? (or appearing that way?) Do they tell you about your past lives together? you being twin souls or soulmates? That it was destiny not the internet that brought you together. That you have a special energy? That you give them goosebumps just being online with them? They can feel you without being in the same room with you? Maybe that's possible but don't you wonder where they LEARNED lines like that? Are they REALLY going to be honest and tell you about all their other online targets? Do they tell you your age, waistline or physical/ mental illness is of 'no consequence' because it is "obvious you are beautiful on the inside"?
One of the most priceless lines I ever heard was "We have been more intimate online than we ever could be in person." Answer? THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE EVEN IN A QUANTUM UNIVERSE! [AMEN - PS]
20-They Mix Pleasure with Pain
They shift from overwhelming their targets with niceness to inflicting some pain. They lure them in with focused attention, then change direction, appearing suddenly uninterested.
Heard any of THESE lines? "If you want I will go away and not chat with you anymore" or "if this relationship is causing you pain, maybe we should end it" are they pulling away and trying to make it seem like your idea or they are doing you a favor? Have they spent time online with you waxing poetic about a past girl/boyfriend as if that person was 'the one that got away'; And you feel like chopped liver after listening to that 'confession'? Or was your online fun interrupted by reality and that person said "my partner found out" and disappeared, blocking you & your emails? Or that "its best we don't talk for a while" and IF and when they return they "missed you so much." Do they seem to play come to me-go away? As if they can't 'make up their minds' to be with you? Have you tried to cut it off only to have them email you or people you both know BEGGING you to talk to them again?
21-They Give Them Space to Fall: The Pursuer is Pursued
Did they tell you its more fun when YOU are the aggressor now? Or that the online thing was getting tedious? If there was cybersex did they tell you they want REAL? Did they suggest you are throwing yourself at them? Or that they don't LIKE aggressive people? Remember WHO started the relationship!
22-They Use Physical Lures
They combine a nondefensive attitude with a charged sexual presence. While their cool, nonchalant air is calming their victim's minds and lowering their inhibitions, their glances, voice, and bearing-oozing sex and desire-are getting under their skin, agitating their senses and raising their temperature. They lure them into lust. They ead them into the moment-an intensified present in which morality, judgment, and concern for the future all melt away and the body succumbs to pleasure.
"This is so wrong but so right!" or "I just can't do this - it would hurt you/ both of us/ our families" or "I didn't mean for it to get this way - even though I want you." Haul out the puke bucket when they start with that stuff! [THEY EMBARRASS THE GOOD LOVER COMMUNITY - PS]
23-They Master the Art of the Bold Move
Heard this or something like it? - "this is so hard for me to say but I think I love you" or "I have fallen in love with you" or "I can't go another day without you". Sorry, you can't LOVE someone you have NEVER MET IN PERSON. Don't buy it. You can 'love' the image they are presenting or the attention they are giving you - but until you meet IN PERSON and spend some time together (not in bed) will you know if this is someone you can really LOVE or if its just the lust of the lonely. [THEY BECOME BOLD BECAUSE THEY ARE CONFIDENT THAT THEY'D HAD YOU WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO STUTTER THEIR LOSER-NESS IN FRONT OF YOU.- PS]
24-Beware the Aftereffects
They try to maintain their hold on the seduced by drifting in and out of the correspondence.
The psychological harm caused when predators just abandon their targets is filling many psychologist's offices these days. There is no closure with these psychopaths. They beg for you to "let them start a new life" or "I am sorry I hurt you but I have to go" Rather than owning and dealing with what they have done to you and everyone around both of you - they withdraw and try to erase what occurred between you as if it never happened. You may even be slandered by the predator who tells people you are harrassing them when you are looking for closure. Don't expect closure. A real person would apologize and possibly work to reframe the whole relationship, bringing normalcy and light into it. The relationship might then end on its own or become what it should have been all along.
But don't hold your breath. Online psychopaths rarely do that. They almost never allow their targets to vent their rage and confusion. They simply run and start over. Some even try to reinvent themselves as normal humans and make contrition to their immediately families until things get comfortable enough for them to do it again.
Expose these people for what they are so they don't harm others. Don't stoop to their level of lies & defamation - just tell the truth and back it up. And if you really still care about them? So they stop harming THEMSELVES as well. [REPOSTED WITH EDITIONS - PASTOR STARWALKER]
APPENDIX A:
Seductive Environments/Seductive Time
In seduction, THEIR victims must slowly come to feel an inner change. Under THEIR influence, they lower their defenses, feeling free to act differently, to be a different person. Spaces with a theatrical, heightened quality-opulence, glittering surfaces, a playful spirit-create a buoyant, childlike feeling that make it hard for the victim to think straight. The creation of an altered sense of time has a similar effect-memorable, dizzying moments that stand out, a mood of festival and play. THEY must make THEIR victims feel that being with THEM gives them a different experience from being in the real world.
This is so easy to do online!! People already have dissociative states when online and feel "melded" to their computers. They want the fantasy or at least the escape from everyday pain they aren't getting. Online gaming rooms, chats, and so on give people freedom to be "anyone you want them to be." The internet is great but relationships are for real life! If this person refuses to introduce you to their friends or even meet you within 6 weeks of chatting with you? Say goodbye. And the MINUTE you see a red flag - back off. This isn't the love of your life - its the lure of the predator!
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